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what do you say to yourself in times when you don't feel that confident about yourself? I am having one of those phase, and can't seem to take a step back...


Sorry, grangrdangr. I am also in one of those phases and desperately trying to tell it to fuck off.

So firstly, I try to identify what exactly it is I feel rubbish about. It tends to be more specific than just, I don’t feel confident today. This isn’t fun but it helps me move away from the I DON’T FEEL CONFIDENT BECAUSE I AM HORRIBLE EVERYTHING IS AWFUL pov towards SOME THINGS ARE AWFUL. e.g.: I feel incompetent, I feel ugly, I feel lonely, I feel like people hate me/I’ve upset them/I’ve disappointed them.

Secondly, (if possible) identify how those things are operating. I tend to get stuck in cycles of these sorts of thoughts, but there are times when it’s just one nagging thing in the background, or if I do a particular task/action/inaction then I get sucked into it. Sometimes I just have to let it run its course. (I’m sure there’s a better way and this presupposes the awareness that it’s a temporary thing, but yeah.)

Thirdly, I follow these little routines:

1. I moisturise and hydrate. Honestly, I don’t know what it is about moisturising and hydrating but they make me feel so much more at peace. Also, putting on freshly laundered clothes, sleeping in fresh sheets, etc. These actions pull me out of the lethargic aspect of feeling shit.

2. I go for a walk or a run. It doesn’t have to be a long one, 15 minutes will do. On rainy days like today it’s not always possible, or if you feel particularly shit at 2am it’s not always possible, but fresh air helps.

3. I tell myself (and here you have the right to laugh at me if you wish) that smart people who love me are going to have my back. Yes, that’s a line from TWW but it has been enormously helpful in my development. It means you don’t have to pinpoint exactly who loves you but it’s a general assertion of some kind of confidence in how things will turn out, not because of your personal capability but because of who you are. Even if you don’t believe it at first, you get there, and suddenly this weird little TV mantra has all sorts of power.

4. I do my very very best to be kind to myself. It’s okay to not feel confident but it’s not necessarily a permanent thing. Give yourself time to get back to that place. Recognise your progress. Be kind to yourself.

Scary thought…





Nicholas Brendon, who played Xander in Buffy, is now as old as Anthony Head was when the show first started.



Oh God I’m so old